Like “Deviant Urges,” Stereotyping Is Part Of Being Human

How tempting it is to speak or write to people's worst self - to "talk down" to people. For one thing, that worst self is often what they are showing us.

I think the real obstacle to addressing the best self of other people is our inability or unwillingness to identify things we have in common with them. Or we fail to identify things our agendas have in common.

For example, I will probably always face unwillingness to hear about the many times I've sensed a fiery spark of gorgeous Divine humanity in people who have committed sexual atrocities against children because so many people refuse to fully accept that child abusers have the same human ability to choose we all do. It's much easier to categorize some people as incurable "them"s than to squarely face the many times we ourselves were tempted by and even gave into unhealthy urges.

So it's very easy for me to dismiss good-hearted people as ignorant, stupid, or even evil just because they have so far remained closed to the humanity of people they only know third-hand. It's especially easy because I've been called everything in the book myself by such people.

But more stereotyping of them by me won't help my messages get through; only connecting on a human level can ever do that. Same thing goes for reforming the "bad guys," in my opinion.

Let's Help Sex Offenders

     Does sexual abuse create sexual abuse? The nation’s, perhaps the world’s, leading epidemiology researchers, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, has some things to say about this. In 2014, the CDC published a document called, “Connecting The Dots: An Overview Of The Links Among Multiple Forms Of Violence.” The document’s section on sexual violence refers the reader to “Rape Perpetration: A review” by R. Jewkes of the Sexual Violence Research Initiative. Jewkes says, in part:

The evidence of childhood sexual abuse as a risk factor for subsequent perpetration is very extensive and probably has been the most comprehensively investigated of all risk factors for perpetration. In a meta-analysis, a history of child sexual abuse was five times more common among adolescent sexual offenders than among adolescent non-sexual offenders (Seto and Lalumiere 2010). Further, sexual offenders against children are much more likely to have sexual abuse victimisation histories than non-offenders or non-sexual offenders (Whitaker DJ, Le B et al. 2008). Several large national studies of US adolescents and men in college have found that those who had sexually assaulted a partner were significantly more likely to have experienced sexual abuse themselves (Malamuth, Sockloskie et al. 1991; Malamuth, Linz et al. 1995; Borowsky IW, Hogan M et al. 1997; Casey, Beadnell et al. 2009). A meta-analysis shows all types of sex offenders have an elevated risk of exposure to sexual victimisation in childhood (Whitaker DJ, Le B et al. 2008), with some authors having found higher rates of child sexual abuse among sexual offenders against children than those among sexual offenders against adults (Seghorn TK, Prentky RA et al. 1987; Overholser JC and Beck 1989).

     

     (Note: The studies I’ve seen generally distinguish between men, whose childhood sexual abuse increases the risk that they will abuse others, and women, whose childhood sexual abuse usually increases the risk they will get abused again. Women who get sexually abused as children are much less likely than men to commit sex offenses of their own).

    So yes, sexual abuse creates sexual abuse. It should be obvious that we need to help survivors of sexual abuse get past their pain. Sex offender therapists, however, are notoriously resistant to the idea of treating the victim issues of people who commit sex crimes. How about we go beyond treating survivors of sexual abuse to preventing abuse in the first place, by treating the people I call “Invisible Survivors.”

     Or is it just too hard for you to hold the two images of perpetrator and victim in your mind as the same person? Do you think perps don’t deserve help? Then not only are you denying them help, you are setting them up to create even more victims. Now who’s the bad guy?

What's Wrong With The Sex Offense Laws?

     Calling people who commit sex crimes “incurable” gives us no reason to change. It gives us no hope.

     Good luck reducing sexual abuse with that one.

     Good luck with the prison, probation, parole, police, and survivor-help budgets too.

     The Incurable Dogma is responsible for the laws keeping many of those convicted of sex crimes on probation, the sex offender registry, or both, for life. After all, if you cannot be cured, the government is going to have to keep an eye on you forever, and prohibit you from certain housing, jobs, and movement. And once convicted, politicians are free to violate your civil rights, because most voters agree you cannot be cured.

     Good luck keeping law-enforcement and probation and parole budgets down with that one. Just please don’t complain about the money spent to keep down vigilante attacks against us. You might consider, though, that researchers agree that no reliable studies show any reduction in crime from these laws.

     Good luck with welfare budgets too, since the laws, predictably, create homeless, jobless people who lack social support and resent being singled out for cruel and unusual punishments, all of those people in need of help. Could joblessness, homelessness, resentment, and lack of support make former sex offenders more likely to commit new crimes too?

     Since most of the re-arrests of former sex offenders are for probation/parole and registry violations, not sex crimes, you’re really going to have to work to keep those prison budgets down. Not to mention county jails, state hospitals, and probation and parole departments.

     We’ll “always be a risk,” is what the “experts” say. They don’t like to explain why. The why is that we have choices, making us unpredictable—but we can also choose to stop committing sex crimes, and that choice is as good as a cure.

     Still, some people do benefit from the Incurable Dogma. For example, “expert” therapists who get lucrative government contracts are justified by the Incurable Dogma in making money off people in therapy forever.

     Big surprise that the psychological “experts” are the ones most responsible for spreading the Incurable Dogma. And big surprise that most of these “experts” aren’t stopped by the fact that people who commit sex crimes have the second lowest rate of re-offense out of the eight major categories of offenders, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics.

     Yeah, big surprise so many people like me got sexually abused when we were children.

I'm Perfect

     When I search for God, I am seeking something I know I cannot ever fully grasp. At best, when I feel One with God, my limited being is left knowing I only touched one out of an infinity of aspects of God.

     So the search will never end. I can look forever. And it is quests that most suit me and give my life meaning. I feel drawn to search for God more than to anything else.

     So, I’m perfectly designed to seek God.

     When I got this, I slapped my forehead and said to the greatest woman on earth:

     "I never needed a V-8.”

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

On her new blog, my spirit guide and English student, Pasu Handuzco, will be posting her original views on the same subjects I cover here. Her blog is at:

https://handuzco.blogspot.com/

Pasu and I sometimes disagree – but we respect each other so much that we don’t settle for the philosophy of “we agree to disagree.” We think that’s a a cop-out. We practice “Agree to Disagree to Later Agree.”

It’s not that we want to be the same, it’s just that we know the most basic spiritual Truths are only controversial because they are like the same planet that different people are seeing from different sides. The idea behind Pasu and me working together independently is to transcend sides. We are going to do this by exploring the limits of what language can say about reality.

We each plan on posting once a week. All respectful comments are welcome, so please join the conversation! Ultimate Truth is bigger than you or me.

Here are my thoughts on the first thing Pasu and I are going to talk about:

The most reliable self-improvement tool I've ever found is mirror work.

Our eyes are the windows to our souls. We can speak directly to our"selves," whatever that means, when we look ourselves in the eyes. We can also find out basic Truths about us by looking at ourselves in the mirror. But not just any old mirror work will work.

You can help yourself by getting honest with the person in the mirror about your past poor choices, yes, it's just that, as a man named Agathon supposedly said about 2,500 years ago, "Even God cannot change the past." Helpful self-improvement works by changing your present and future. With that in mind, here are a couple of things to brainstorm together with your mirror image:

First, ask yourself if you see the person other people have told you all your life that you are. Do you see someone who will never amount to anything? A worthless piece of shit? A failure? Evil? A coward? Really? I've never seen any of that in anyone's eyes. I've looked in some psychopathic eyes I wouldn't want to mess with, but when I look closely into anyone's eyes, I always see a spark of life, a spark of humanity. If I'm paying attention, I always see something so good and beautiful and Divine that it's beyond words. Look for that in yourself and I guarantee you will see it.

Second, ask you-in-the-mirror whether you should encourage yourself to do better, or whether you should attack yourself for your imperfections. See how it feels to see and hear yourself saying, "Get it together, moron!" Then compare that with how it feels to say, "You're better than those bad choices you made. You can succeed. You will succeed. I believe in you."

Finally, when you're not sure what else to say to yourself, look in your eyes and ask, "What have you done for me lately?”

Don't forget, visit the blog of my spiritual guide, Pasu Handuzco, and learn what she has to say about this subject. Her blog is at:  https://handuzco.blogspot.com/

The Best Opportunity to Change the World is Here!

Get in on the ground floor of the most important movement of the twenty-first century. I'm talking about the Handuzco movement - which is crafting social, educational, and judicial reform.

Pasu Handuzco, founder of the Handuzco movement, has just started a blog at:

https://handuzco.blogspot.com/

Make sure to bookmark this page and subscribe to the blog. Then feel free to jump in and comment on the posts, contact Pasu, and help humanity to shine again!