- Annoy a conservative: Support free enterprise
- Annoy a liberal: Support tolerance and diversity
- Support Clinton and Trump: Buy them prison cells
- Annoy an environmentalist: Use the Earth's resources wisely
- Support women: Fight feminism
- Be a man: Admit your vulnerabilities
- Support American business: Stop corporate welfare
- Fight ignorance: Stop knowing everything
- Fight crime: help criminals
- Fight ISIS: Stop killing Muslims
- Stop fighting for world peace
- Annoy a Muslim: Follow the Koran
- Annoy a Christian: Follow Jesus
Hopefully, the pattern here is becoming clear: You can accomplish the stated goals of most groups by doing the opposite of what they are doing.
After I got over my self-satisfaction, realizing that I can be just as hypocritical as the next person, I resolved to add a couple of questions to the list of affirmations I recite to myself every morning: "What methods are you using to meet your needs? How are they working?"
Now just after sunrise each day, as I sip my warm and creamy, soothing yet stimulating coffee, I invariably see something I did the day before that worked against me. For example, this morning I thought of how the two dollars I wasted on a lottery ticket will not help with the budget I worry so much about.
I'm not always strong enough to change the behavior that day. But I've increased my awareness. I've informed the little angel whispering into one of my ears of the problem.
An annoyed conscience is a powerful force for positive change.
If we truly believe in making the world a better place, if we truly want to live the most fulfilling lives we can, it's incumbent upon all of us to politely make our own and other people's consciences aware of all our ideological contradictions and counterproductive actions.
Change usually won't happen right away, even among the most courageous and honest of us. But a little ruthlessly candid self-examination goes a long way in the long run.
We all have room to grow. If we didn't, where could we go from here?
